Mom

Mom, do you remember when I was a little girl? I told you I’d never ever hate you. Not even a little. Not even for a second. Not at all. I never will. I’d never even “pretend” to hate you; not even when I’m a teenager. You told me to just wait, because it’d happen. All teenagers “hate” their parents at least a little. Well, mom, here I am at 18 years old and I’ve never once “hated” you. Not even a little. Not even for a second. Not at all. I never will. 

Under this notes is a note I wrote for my mom on her birthday only seven months ago. In those few short months, everything I said about my mother was tested and matched with every ounce of power she has in her. She’s saved me time and time again, helping me through some of the toughest things a mother could imagine. Supporting me through breakups, breakdowns, coming out, deciding what to do next year, and being patient with me through the school year as we found out about all the complications of ADHD. I don’t know if she’s even realized how much has truly happened, but I know I wouldn’t have been able to do it without her. Pep talk after pep talk, we’ve gotten through my senior year together. She pushed me to take it all on headstrong. She never lost faith in me and made it her job to restore my faith in myself; she succeeded. I’ve never had more faith in myself as I do right now. She’s stuck up for me on issues she herself was confused on. She made sure I always had the best of whatever I needed. She made me believe I was amazing every day. I think after this year, my brothers and I have finally conquered all of our demons and figured ourselves out, with my mom guiding us all along the way. I’ve said it time and time again, but I can never seem to stress what an amazing mother she is. Just using that word seems to completely downplay just how we feel about her. “Amazing” doesn’t seem fit, but I guess I couldn’t think of a better word if I tried. I’d need pages and pages. A novel. An encyclopedia. Volumes upon volumes of books, just to describe how “amazing” she is. There is absolutely nothing more I could ask for. I only wish I had the words to tell you properly. You make me want to be a better person. Look how far I’ve come. You can take pride in knowing it was all because of you. It’s going to be hard going off to college without you next year, but I feel confident knowing you’ve given me the tools I need to get ahead in life. I’ll never take that for granted. I love you, mom. I’ll always be that little girl. I’ll never stop loving you. Not even a little. Not even for a second. Not at all. I never will. 

Hi, Mom.

Every birthday, every mother’s day, and frequently on average days, I find myself thinking about how important you are to me. More than a caretaker, you’re my heart, my inspiration, and my constant source of love, stability, and reassurance. Starting out as the quietest push-over, you grew to stand up in dedication to your family and denied anything but the best for us. You taught me strength. You taught me growth. You taught me that today is never too late to be brand new, and you gave me hope. You had unrelenting faith in me, when I had all but given up on myself. When we fail and think we’re over and done with, you’re the light of encouragement and understanding that we never thought would shine through. Everything I do, I do to prove to you that you’re pointing me in the right directions. The one thing I want, more than anything, is to give back to you the hope and pride that you instilled in me. You leave me room for mistakes without judgement, but keep me in line enough that these mistakes are rare occurrences. You allow me to be whoever I want to be, and are proud of my decisions regardless. Even when I went through that stage of black hair and got piercings that our whole family wasn’t so pleased with, you allowed me to express myself and didn’t see me any differently. I always enjoy spending time with you; you and I are one in the same. Socially awkward and undeniably hilarious, with a fervor for writing (apropos of our chosen career paths). Even when all seems lost with my brothers or me and I think you’re insane for putting up with it, you do absolutely everything in your power to make things right and give us the lives you wanted for us. Mom, I know that I tell you how much I love you nearly every day, but it truly doesn’t feel like I tell you as much as you deserve. Thank you for being my best friend and confidant. Thank you for being patient. Thank you for being my rock when I lost sight of the important things. Thank you for loving me unconditionally and whole-heartedly. Thank you for being brave for me. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me and everything you’ll do in the future. Thank you for being my mom. I love you! Happy birthday, Mom.