July 27, 2010

When you love someone, there’s a pattern to the way you come together. You might not even realize it, but it’s almost like your bodies are choreographed: a touch on the hip, a stroke of the cheek. A short kiss, break away, a longer one, his hand slipping down your back. It’s a routine, but not in the boring sense of the word. It’s just the way you’ve learned to fit, and it’s why, when you’ve been with one guy for a long time, your teeth don’t scrape the other’s lips when you kiss; you don’t bump noses or get nervous. And when that guy isn’t there anymore and you have to start all over; a new routine, new motions, that’s when it starts to hit you that everything’s different. And I’m not saying it’s exactly bad, it can be refreshing and exciting, but it’s not familiar. And that’s what I like, familiar. And I guess you could say I’m starting to feel a little lonely tonight, which is what’s making all of this come to mind. I’m not alone though, I have more guys to talk to than I did before, but I’m lonely. Because before, I didn’t need lots of guys to talk to, I just needed that one and I’d always feel like I had someone by my side. Honestly though, I’m still happy. But I miss my best friend and having him tell me how much he loved me, how I was his everything. I’m glad I can still talk to him, we can still be friends. But I’m not good with change either way.