I can't believe I fucking dreamt about you last night. I really can't believe it had made me happy. But I really, really can't fucking believe that I was disappointed when I realized it was only a dream.

If you're like me and have been lucky enough to have your father in your life as a constant source of love and support, you have a lot to be thankful for. I recognize that not everyone is so lucky; I know so many others whose fathers have passed on, who have struggled with illness or addiction, who have been downright selfish, or have been absent for any other number of reasons. I have reason to rejoice and celebrate on Father's Day because my life has been blessed with the most amazing father I could ever know. If you're REALLY lucky (like me), your father has made you laugh until your cheeks hurt, helped you with your homework all those years, and shared something special with you, like a bond over music. Other people might be lucky enough to have a dad like that, but if I'm being honest, my brothers and I REALLY hit the dad jackpot. Max has someone he can bond with over craft beers and "manly" things (CC: Ron Swanson). Cliff has someone who, amongst other things, will sleep on a chaise lounge outside his/my room every other night to calm him down when he wakes up in a panic (CC: MOM, who also sacrifices her sanity to do this). I have someone who will rush me to the hospital when I have an allergic reaction to an antibiotic (again), drive all the way to Boston and back just to make MY life easier, and turn me on to good music. I'm lucky enough to have a dad that will always check in with me when I'm not feeling well to ask how I'm feeling or if I need anything at all, always with a warm, heartfelt shoulder rub. I have a dad who spent days and days taking apart the hard drive of my broken laptop so that I could have all my old documents, pictures, and music. I have a dad who will put on the Jazz station on the radio and quiz me on who is playing trumpet in that song, or who originally sang this song. I have a dad who encourages me, supports me, teaches me, and inspires me. I'm lucky enough to have a dad who fills my house with beautiful music when he practices piano, and who pushes me to perform my music when I'm too shy or self-conscious because he knows how much I really want to. I have watched and learned from my dad. I have watched him give my mom unconditional love and support, stand by her through trials and tribulations, try his hardest to understand without asking, and do what he can to make her happy. I have learned what a real man is, and how a good man should treat a woman. If you're lucky like me, you're one lucky son-of-a-gun. I have to be honest though - I'm the luckiest one of 'em. I have a man in my life who I can look up to and depend on as a constant in my life. Thank you for everything, Daddy, I love you!

Retrospect

I stayed, and I stayed, and I stayed

when you gave me reasons to leave.

Call it blind hope, call me naive.

Always urging me to walk away,

but I stayed, I stayed, and I stayed.

Call it self-destructive, poor judgment, it’s true

Call me crazy; I thought I’d save you.

I thought, if not me, then who? 

It’s funny looking back, 2 months wiser

Could’ve sworn you needed a savior, but it’s her.

Someone stubborn, harsh, relentless,

more like yourself, a fucking mess.

You might not agree; then again, when did you?

All the more reason it’ll work out better for you two.

You swore I’d someday hate you, 

and I swore I never would.

I hate a lot about you, but as always, I’m keeping my word.

It's Stranger to be Strangers

It took maybe eight times before I agreed to let you go,

I think that’s why you disappeared so fast; I barely saw you go.

I looked back for a second, but you were already long gone.

Please don’t mistake my punch-drunk words for longing;

Maybe I’m a little lonely, but I’m content going stag.

I can lift myself up without you bringing me down,

and I feel freer unattached.

Still, it’s stranger to be strangers,

now I don’t know where you live.

Your home was all I knew for years,

a month later, where do you rest your head?

It’s stranger to be strangers,

and I know you won’t be a friend.

Still, I’d love to know what happened

when you decided to fall off the grid again.

All I want is to be familiar, I’ll let you live your life,

I won’t intrude, I won’t be rude, but dammit, let me in!

It’s so much stranger to be strangers

when not long ago, we shared our lives.

Now I don’t know who you live with, or if your day was alright.

I don’t have a hang up here, it’s only been two months.

Your life changed overnight, and being on the outside 

just doesn’t sit right.

It’s stranger to be strangers,

goddammit, let me in!

I’m just a girl who loved your ass and dealt with all your shit.

At least, that’s who I was every day for a few years;

Now I’m just a stranger, getting stranger by the day.