How it’s started to feel is that people who want me don’t see me as a person. Like you’ve seen me and maybe heard about me and you come up with some idyllic fabrication of who I am so when I talk to you it doesn’t at all matter what I say or how I say it because you jump to thinking I’m just as you imagined me and I jump to thinking that I still have no clue who you are or what you stand for. Then if I do give you a chance, eventually that idea of me goes to shit and you have to deal with the fact that I’m a real life person and you have to talk to me and love me, even when I’m not how you imagined. Even if you like the reality you still resent me for crushing the fantasy.
I don’t know if that sounds conceited, but I also don’t think you know how it feels to feel like you have feelings for someone and then hear the person say something like “I can’t believe I got Olivia Taylor!” as if I’m some fucking prize or something. I’m just a fucking person and that’s it and that’s all I want to be .
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